Sorrow, Hope and Health

Hello, everybody. Welcome to Health Chatter and yet another special show, which we'll get to in a second. But this one is really near and dear to my heart, and you'll see why in a second. I'd like to thank our great crew, as I always do. Maddy Levine-Wolf, Erin Collins, Deondra Howard do wonderful background research, along with Sheridan Nygard, who does research and our marketing. So thank you to all of you. And Matthew Campbell is our production manager, gets all these shows out to you, the listening audience. And then, of course, there's Clarence Jones, who's my co-host. Unfortunately, he can't be with us today. He's got to attend a family funeral in Chicago. But he's got some great questions that I'll be able to pose to our great guest today. 
So thank you to all of you. Also, thanks to Hueman Partnership, a community health organization in the state of Minnesota that's really second to none as far as promoting health for all of us, no matter where you come from and what community you live in, they are quite good. So you can check them out at humanpartnership.org. You can check us out, Health Chatter, at healthchatterpodcast.org. And just so everybody knows, we get all of our research notes out to you on our website so you can listen and read up as well. And also check out some of the different websites that we provide for you and your background interests. So thank you to you as well, the listening audience. Today, I have a great guest. 
She and I go back. a long, long way. Patty Wetterling is with us. We're going to be talking about, we've kind of titled this show, Sorrow, Hope, and Health. For those of you that have been certainly in the state of Minnesota, the story that Patty brings to all of us and brought to the forefront was the unfortunate loss of her son, Jacob, back in 1989. And it really was a sad, sad day. But I will say this, that out of all of that came some hope and hopefully some happiness. So Patty was a stay-at-home mother. with her four children when the abduction of Jacob took place. She has done incredible advocacy work that, to be quite honest with you, is really second to none. 
She's been on the board of directors for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children and was the chair of that group as well. She's been a consultant for the Department of Justice, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency and Sexual Violence and Prevention. She was a dear colleague of mine, even all those years, but then also at the Department of Health where, and Patty will be able to allude to this, where she realized that not only was the issue itself a public safety issue, but also a public health issue. So we'll get into that in a minute. But many of the things as it relates to child abduction in all the laws that have been passed well these years, much credit really goes to Patty and her work. 
And so many, many thanks. And I hope going forward, And for you, Patty, there will be happiness. So thanks for being with us today on Health Chatter. Thank you, Stan. It's good to hear your voice again. Yeah, well, it's kind of like with good colleagues, you just pick up where you left off. It's like good friends. It's just like if you haven't seen each other for a while, just pick up where you left off. All right, so let's get this show going here. A key question that really drove my thinking about this is, how was it, you know, all these years, describe for me, I guess, the ups and downs of health. You know, when you were dealing with it from the very beginning to actually where you are now, can you reflect on the ups and downs of health that you went through, whether it was physically or mentally? 
For both. Oh, gosh. It was when Jacob was kidnapped. I, as you said, I was a stay-at-home mom. I knew nothing about child victimization. Who would do that? I mean, it was out of my realm of consciousness. It was like the rug being pulled out from under you. So I had no foundation to stand on. And our kids were, my oldest was 13. And Jacob 11, Trevor 10, and Carmen was only eight. So, you know, immediately everybody was sick. Carmen regressed a bit, started sucking her thumb again. And, you know, just the stability of our lives was shaken to the core. So it was a matter of rebuilding and finding something you could hang on to, to... to move forward. And, you know, the hope is a critical ingredient in life. 
You know, I, we had to hope and believe that Jacob was going to be okay. And he was coming home. And, and I worked with the national center for missing and exploited children. And they told us, you know, kids, kids come home, don't give up. And so that, that became a critical part of it for me physically. I was, I'm diabetic. So I, I had been diabetic for, I don't know, five years. And the physical change, the stress, you know, can just send sugar levels soaring. And I knew that if I wanted to find Jacob, if I wanted to be there for my family, I had to take care of myself and rebuild strength. So Step by step. And we, you know, we got a lot of support from surprisingly law enforcement. 
I was probably driving them crazy, standing over their shoulder. And it's like, you need to work out, you know, what, what did you used to do? And I used to dance and it's like nothing inside of me wanted to dance again. So I started running a little bit and swimming. I was sharing with you, a friend of mine was in charge of, to work in the FIAD department at Cold Spring High School and, So she would open up the pool and let me swim in that pool, just laps for as long as I needed to. And it was brilliant. I teased her about needing a new filter to get rid of the stress that I'd left behind. But physically moving was a big part of us regaining strength. 
So was that true for... I mean, I certainly can... can remember the personal fortitude that you had. But was that true for your other family members too? Did you see ups and downs differently for them as far as their health was concerned? Yes. And the other piece that, you know, we had to coach our kids with was, you know, so much about health is it's, It's physical, mental, and spiritual. And sometimes kids would say mean things, you know, like my mom says he's dead and you should move on. And so we would have family discussions about how do you respond to comments. They're not meant to be mean, but it can sound. And it caught my daughter, the youngest, off guard. I had to go pick her up from a camp because somebody had said some things that she just wasn't ready to hear. 
And she ended up with a stomach ache and the nurse called and I had to retrieve her from it. So we would empower our kids with, well, that's not what we think, or you don't really know that, or I think I'll go over here, just some way to get out of a situation. So we had a lot of family discussions. We had a lot of counseling. I had been seeking, at that point in time, I had been a teacher. So I was trying to figure out Now that my kids were all in school, what was I going to do next? And so I'd gone to a guidance counselor or not a guidance counselor, a career counselor. And so I was really receptive to getting help because we were facing something that really no human being should have to face. 
And it's hard to make sense of anything. For example, everybody said to me, I bet you just want to keep your kids, just hold them tight, never let them out of the house again. And for me, it was the opposite. I saw absolute terror in these kids' eyes and I didn't want them to be afraid of this big old world out there. You know, I wanted them to live freely and have confidence. And so I would have to encourage them. You can go with Candace and her parents will bring you home, hold hands and you'll be okay. And to just, you know, give them confidence that they are, because without a sense of safety, kids can't stand really well. That's, you know, basic need is Pavlov's, you know, hierarchy is feeling safe. 
So we had to work on that. I would often drop one of them off at a friend's house, turn the corner and just fall apart because it was hard, but they needed that. And I wanted them to, I wanted them to hang on to the world as it had been a little bit, as best we could. So there's a couple of questions that I'll get to in a minute about kids and their sense of fear after witnessing or being part of that. I'll get to that in a second. But I don't even know if this is a fair word to use, but Given where everything is now, has there been some kind of a sense of closure? Or is it always high in your head on what can we do next in this problem of abductions and sexual exploitation? 
Maybe another way of saying, do you ever give yourself a break? health-wise? Yes, I do. Most of us shy away from the word closure because you really can't go back to who you were. You've got answers. I like the word answers a little bit better. And answers help. There was a nagging sense of not having the answers was really hard to to live with and I was driven. I was driven by gathering information and then with each thing I learned, I was a teacher before. I taught junior high math and I love math because you figure out a problem, there's an answer. But this was something that I would gather information and then I had this inner drive to have to share that with other parents. 
Fear is not something that keeps kids safe. There's no research showing that scared kids are safer. So we tried really hard to take away the fear and teach kids how to interact with other individuals so that they would know and trust that sense of something's not right here and get away from dangerous situations. So taking away the fear was a big part of why I would go out and speak. And I, you know, to this day, I... I still think, you know, it's a thing that scares parents the most. And yet they believe, you know, it's like fear of strangers. And that we learned is not the biggest source of fear, really. It's most often someone you know that harms a child. Somebody knows a child or the family, at least casually. 
And for us, it was a total stranger. But we didn't know that till the very end. So let me ask you this, because I know we chatted about this a little bit. This type of situation in abduction, as sad as it is, there's also other things that parents go through or potentially go through with children, like illness. A child might have cancer. Or even we're seeing, you know, young people having like heart attacks and strokes. Have you ever had a chance to talk with anyone who is dealing with a health issue of their, of that type of thing and compare it to a loss like, like you went through? Yes, absolutely. And I I love that, you know. There's a really sense of being alone. 
I was so alone. I didn't know anybody who had a missing child at that point in my life. But there's comfort in sharing with other parents their trauma, their journey, and supporting one another. I met a woman whose son was 15. He'd been in a terrible car accident, and he was in a coma. And she said, would you like to meet my son? And I was not sure if I was strong enough to do that. But we were right across the street from the hospital. So I did. I went in. And he was in a coma. But she knew that he knew she was there. He would squeeze her hand. And she knew where he was. And it gave her strength to visit. 
And we could support one another. She was amazing. somewhat I it's it's a there's crazy dynamics when you have extreme situations, but, um, often though you might have somebody who'd lost a child to cancer and, but they would say to me, but it's not as bad as, you know, and, and I don't think that's fair to any of us to compare because the loss of a child is that deep, deep, raw, horrible thing. We're not supposed to outlive our children and Um, so I think acknowledging the, the, the wrongness in the scheme of what we thought life was going to be is it's healthy. It's healthy to acknowledge. You know, you alluded to the idea of the kind of the wrong order of things, you know, uh, you know, kids are not supposed to die before you, before you do. 
Okay. I mean, it's just, that's just kind of the logical order that you think of as a, um, a parent and that puts stress on it, on the whole situation, no matter, no matter what. It does. And there's a, there's a, there's a sense of, you know, you're supposed to protect your children. And then there are situations that we can't protect our kids from. Yeah. So let's talk about, again, I'm going to connect this to health advocacy. and health. What was it about, you know, we can get into all the kind of things that you've been involved with, but how was it that the advocacy work helped you health-wise? One second. I keep choking here. Well, What happened with me was that, you know, my being a stay-at-home mom, kids were my world. 
And I believe that children have the right to grow up safe and follow their dreams. And I began, that was a big part of my message. We need to build a world that protects that. Child victimization and, you know, pornography, grooming, sex trafficking, child sexual assault. I mean, they're all along this line of child victimization. If we want to stop this, we've got to stop sexual exploitation of children. And to do that, we need to raise kids who would never think to sexually harm another person. We have to raise... children with respectful relationship training. And when some go astray, the good news is children who've been charged with sexual assaulting somebody else, when given treatment, they have the highest rate of success. The lowest rate of recidivism. 
Like 97% in one study don't re-offend sexually. It's really... rewarding to know that if a child acts out, that they can get some help. And they're not on a trajectory to be forever causing harm. And so we need to be really cognizant of the big problem. I think this is where public health comes in. We can't wait till it's this. We've got to go upstream and work towards that world. And it is a world that Jacob knew and believed in. He was an advocate. We had a lot of great friends. And he would come home from school and scream if something wasn't fair. You know, it might not have had anything to do with him, but it mattered when something wasn't fair. And he, you know, he would stick up for his friends. 
And I think that that's a big part of it. The other piece which kept me sane was the way our community rallied. Everybody came together and kids were jumping rope for Jacob and when I met with some homeless kids and they were trying to give me their lunch money for the reward and search fund, teachers sent notes from children and the notes were so, you know, never give up, stay there for Jacob. If my parents quit hoping for me, I wouldn't want to go home. You know, it's like, listen, listening to their take on the story was really important to, For me and my advocacy work, it's like I'm fighting for that world that they deserve. Yeah, and I sensed that it provided you with some energy. 
It did. It became a personal battle between the bad guy. I refused to let him take anything else. You can't have the world that Jacob knew. I will fight for that forever. Do I lighten up on my activities now that I'm old? Yeah. But I still, I love believing in the world where kids can dream and go after their dreams and have the support system and the tools that they need to build a healthy, happy life. So, you know, our great research crew, and you can probably check in on this to see if we're right, but some of the facts that... sad as they may be, in the U.S., a child goes missing or is abducted every 40 seconds. So that's about 2,300 children per day, which is just, I mean, how do people even get their head around that? 
It's just, to me, it's staggering. The FBI estimates that of the approximately 840,000 people reported missing each year, 85 to 90% of them are children, which is just... But there's some clarifiers. Often, it... Well, the highest category is a runaway child, and they are at very high risk, especially in today's world, of being exploited. Somebody offering them shelter for favors or food. Yeah, yeah. And that's part of giving kids empowerment and knowing how to find resources that are healthier and not fall for those tricks and lures. Most kids are not... abducted at gunpoint like Jacob was most are tricked or lured into a dangerous situation. And I think many of those are preventable. Watch who's watching your children. If my one daughter had a coach who would call the girls and ask about their clothing and it got really one of those trust your gut. 
There was something not right about this. And so we had discussions about, you know, because I can't be with, you know, our our my daughters all the time. So what should they do when something happens? And having adults that they can talk to. And it's not always the parent that kids can go to, but trusted adults. I used to tell my kids, talk to your Uncle Russ. My brother is a hoot. He's funny. He's approachable. They could talk to him about anything. And so giving your kids that empowerment. And then of those, the runaway kids, You know, they come home. It's a big challenge for law enforcement because some kids run many times a year. So those numbers capture repeat runners as well. 
So the number of abduction, stereotypical abduction, is about 1% of all of that. It's the smallest piece. But the thing is, it's the one that has the greatest amount of fear. So we have to watch, you know, about stats and numbers and collecting numbers. Yeah. they've been inflated over time and then they kind of come back to reality. And I think of stereotypical kidnapping, those have not changed over time. It's pretty much the same each year. I'd say it's under 100 that are stereotypical kidnapping every year. But the number of kids exploited, especially with the internet and the social media, games online, that number is exponential. We have to really be careful about that world that we're introducing our children to at really young ages. 
Yeah. And of course then it gets into the whole idea of accurate information and information that is not accurate and access to all these different sites, etc. So Apparently, there are benign reasons. I guess they're described as this. Benign reasons for that children are missing. And then there are, I guess, serious. I guess maybe that's the word to use. But, you know, kids will run away. Right? Okay. So that's... Or there's a family... Yes. Right? And those are, I guess, relatively benign as opposed to what you alluded to, stranger abduction. Yeah, but they're also very harmful because you're snatching a child from everything they know, from their pets, their dogs, their friends, their school, their toys. Yeah. their clothes, you know, and putting them in another world. 
And it's really traumatic for these kids. There was an organization, I'm not sure if they're still active, called Take Root, because they're uprooted, literally. And then they sometimes get put back with the original parent. And that doesn't always go so easily either, because they're manipulated in this process. So There are better ways to handle family stress than to stealing a child from a parent. That's the one. And there are those who have taken the child and it's been a murder or murder-suicide and it's horrific. So we can't belittle. It's all part of the responsibility of parenting and knowing where resources are and not feeling alone. There are so many more resources now than there were before. child advocacy centers where you can take a child. 
If they need to see the other parent, they can safely do that in a setting that is supervised and everybody wins. The child is safe. Both parents get visitation and you can rebuild whatever harm had happened. So there are lots of tools for parents. Don't feel there was a loan. The other The other advocacy piece that I was really proud of is I didn't know any other parent. And when I called the National Center for Missing and Exploited, they protected the families they worked with. So they wouldn't give me anybody to talk to. So we got a federal grant and set up this parent-to-parent mentoring. And there were 24 family members that we pulled together way back in the early 90s. And they've assisted over, last I saw, 110,000 families. 
people to just connect. You're not alone. And how do you get through holidays? And how do you deal with your other siblings? And just the media, the law enforcement. It's like we had so much going on and we could share. We could share energy and build and provide hope. And with that, kids come home. You know, I've met Elizabeth Smart, who was gone for nine months. I met JC Dugard, 17 and a half years she was gone. I know her mom. and Kids come home. We cannot give up on them just because they've been missing a long time. And so it's one thing to hear their stories. It's another to sit at a table and listen to them and feel that energy. And talk about healing. 
The Cleveland women who were gone for 10 years reclaimed their lives. It's like they own every minute of every day. Nobody's going to tell them what to eat, what to wear, where to go. You know, they have... rebuild their lives and they're phenomenal. Those are happy stories at the end. It's like moving on. I want you to try to remember because this kind of stuck in my head. I know Jacob was part of the story. He was on his bicycle. Riding a bike For a kid is like. Holy. Right. All right. So. Right. Well, yeah. Right. It's kind of like. When you get to drive a car. Okay. Same idea. All right. But. Try to reflect for us a little bit on your other children. 
When they faced or took out their bike. for the maybe the first time after, you know, Jacob was was abducted. Was there a sense of of being scared or i'm not going to do this or i'm never going to ride a bike again? Or was there any of that? And if so, how as a mother, did you help them right um i just use a bike as an illustration. Right. Exactly. I think each time they. they start, they did something that used to be normal. There, it was a a pause um yeah and the bike thing, we live, there's two circles of of houses so they could bike between the two circles. And I feel, I think a sense of, of safety because everybody was, it, it's that sense of community. 
You know, everybody is there for one another and they knew houses where they could stop and, and, there would be always somebody caring for them. But I did get a letter from a woman who said her nephew was four when Jacob was kidnapped and he refused to ride his bike. He refused to learn how to ride a bike. And when he was 12, his dad took him out and put him on a bike. And the fear was Jacob was kidnapped while riding his bike. And this child was deathly afraid of learning to ride a bike. So... I guess maybe the takeaway on that is everybody, no matter how old you are, deals with this kind of a situation perhaps differently psychologically and physically. 
And we all have to kind of hug each other and help each other as you go. And as like kids mature, even those types of things can kick into gear. It looks like somebody has a question. Yeah, go ahead, Sharon. Yeah, so, Patty, you know what's super interesting about that is I was born in 1998, and growing up, one of my best friends lived very close to me, and we would bike from each other's houses. It was just a little bit faster. And I do remember when we first started venturing out a little bit further, our parents sat us down and actually talked about this case and said, okay, There are things that you need to be aware of and things that you need to be vigilant about. 
And I think it was a really good segue for my parents to, both of our parents actually, to sit down with us and just have a general talk about safety. And I think that you and Jacob's story really sparks a lot of necessary conversation for families. I also wanna point out that it sounds like community was crucial for your healing process here. Sounds like community members and just the effort of community coming together. And that's something that's really, I'm passionate about. I study community health promotion. And so it's honestly, it's just really touching to hear that the community could come together and help you individually, help your family, help other kids feel safe and figure out how to tackle these problems as a community. 
I just wanted to note that. I think that's beautiful. Thank you. And one of the things that I talk to parents about is It kind of goes to your question, Stan. You start by, you know, it's like, yes, you can ride over to Jason's house. Call me when you get there. You know, you have rules. And let me, one time I dropped, this was scary to me. I dropped Trevor off at a dance at North Junior High. And when I went to pick him up two hours later, he wasn't there and the school was dark. I was I was freaked out, as you can imagine, because, of course, Jacob was already missing. And now I didn't have a clue where Trevor was. And he came running or running behind the building. 
And he said, you know, not hardly anybody showed up for the dance. So they closed it early. So I went over to so-and-so's house and just stayed there until until it was time. And I said, Trevor, that's that's great. That's really smart. Call me. You know, I really didn't know where you were. i had no idea and if if you hadn't come back at this time, I would have no no idea and that was scary to me. You know, parents can be scared too. So you build that that trust and communication. And then to your comment earlier, I think it's what you won't talk about with kids that scares them the most. So having conversations and building, I like to encourage parents, let your child at young ages, 
pay for something in the grocery store. If they want candy, then they pay the clerk. They learn how to interact with, with people through, through doing things and they gain confidence and that helps keep them safe as well sorry you know you know it's interesting my um you know our kids you know janet's and my kids yeah are grown, they're adults, but they come and visit okay and and inevitably, when they come and visit, then they go out with their friends that they grew up with here. And to this day, Janet and I will say, listen, when you come home, just let us know that you're here. And keep in mind, one of them lives in Bethesda, and the other one lives in Boston. 
We have absolutely no clue what's going on normally. But when they're in your own environment, it's like that parent extra sense kicks into gear. And you just need to know that they're safe. Yes. And it's a respectfulness, a thoughtfulness, you know. But it's hard when they get to those ages, you know, 18 to 25 or 6. They're not, that prefrontal cortex isn't fully developed. They're not always thinking about it. Correct. Mom and dad are consequences and all of that. So yeah, it's just, it's, it's, you never stop parenting. You never do. So let me, yeah, I mean, that's, I guess that's what we're supposed to do. Right. And we're not, and we're not experts at it. So we keep kind of trying, you know? 
Right. So over the years, you've helped pass a variety of, of, bills, legislation, state level, national level. Can you reflect on that a little bit and what implications this has for people's health and safety going forward? That's a really good question. Thank you. One of the first things that we worked on, I asked law enforcement, what would have helped? What would you need to respond quicker and better? And As you know, the Amber Plan came out later with Amber Hagerman in Texas was missing and they activated the media immediately. And that became a national program, which was really good. Minnesota had, we had, I met Amber's mom and we had that going before there was a national initiative to make it everybody having it. 
But I asked them what else they would need, and there were two things. We did not have a central repository of information in Minnesota for law enforcement, and they were building it at the time, but I think it helped expedite getting that finished. But the other one was sex offender registry, and it would help law enforcement to know who's done this before in the past. And I think it's a good law enforcement tool, but when it became... community notification so everybody knows about these people, it got a little more complicated. And I think that we need to revisit what part of this is working, what part of this is interfering with people building a better life. Maybe they made a mistake when they were 17, but they're 27 now and want to start a family and whatever. 
Are we restricting the possibility of them going forward? What really troubled me was we passed this law. So there's sex offender registry in all 50 States, but then they started strengthening it thinking, you know, this is, this is a tool and they made it harsher and harsher and, and started registering children, children as young as 10 years old are on a sex offender registry in Minnesota. I was shocked. I didn't, I did not. And because I just said they're the best, best recipients of getting treatment than the least likely to reoffend. That's like a life sentence if you put a child on a registry. I've been working really hard. That's not the best manner of dealing with a child who acts out sexually. 
Let's get them some help, change the trajectory, give them some resources and better ways of interacting with one another. I think that it if you pass laws that you need to revisit and see what part needs to be changed or revised to make it better. And that this is certainly one that it's something, it's a good law enforcement tool, but sometimes people act out on it stupidly and, and burn down houses of somebody or, you know, cause, cause other harm. And that, that's not what you want. And it, It kind of gets back to community. In the Native community, they have healing circles. Somebody does wrong, they bring people together and they make sure that this person stays on the path that they're supposed to be. 
It can be healthier for everybody. So there's a lot I've learned along the way. There's no magic pill. There's no one easy thing that will fix all of it. But I do believe it is building better citizens and having kids that after Jacob was found, it's a, it's a great story. The, uh, one of my friends at the national center called her office and her nephew wanted to put 11 on his cheek because that was Jacob's Jersey number. And, um, asked for permission to do that for a soccer tournament in Maryland or Virginia was right around the DC area. And we thought it was a great idea and our, but our office thought it'd be good if it stood for something. Um, So they put together all the 11 things they've heard me say over and over that Jacob knew and believed in. 
Can I read them to you? Sure. It's just be fair, be kind, be understanding, be honest, be thankful, be a good sport, be a good friend, be joyful, be generous, be gentle with others, and be positive. And I truly believe if we taught our kids to do these 11 things, that we would build kids who wouldn't harm another, and we would have more peaceful communities. And those are great discussion pieces. Just think about that. You know, just around a dinner table, you can, all right, let's take one of these, you know? And I get a card from one of Amy's friends every year. She has her kids. Well, the first year, I was like... What does it mean to be fair? What does it mean to be kind? 
And they each had a little explanation, you know, sitting by a new kid in the school at lunchtime. You know, just I was at one school and there was a sign in the back. They'd all made posters and it said, be gentle with others. It was really messy. I went up close and these kids had made it out of brown band-aids on blue construction paper. Be gentle with others. Kids get it. They want that. They want to be good friends. And I just think it's nurturing how we want them to be instead of just saying, don't do this and don't bully and don't do, you know, it's like, be kind, be understanding. And it is great discussion. I hear from parents and kids all the time that it's helpful. 
So let me ask you, there's, you know, Sheridan is, you know, a younger generation and, you And there are many people that weren't aware of your story. But it's not so much the story now. It's kind of the things that we're taking and going forward with. So one that really I applaud are amber alerts. All of a sudden, you know, a kid is missing and there's an amber alert that's put out. And I... It's really interesting. I might be in a car or what have you. And I'll hear this. And all of a sudden, it's like this heightened sense of awareness. And all of a sudden, it's like, yes, for all of us, there's this extra sense that's put into high gear in order to really help this situation. 
So based on your experience with Amber Alerts, have they been successful? Absolutely. Yes, I don't have the numbers in front of me, but I think the National Center for Missing and Exploited or the Office of Justice Programs has numbers of them. And it is brilliant. It's getting people while they're out, they're driving or they got their headset on while they're running and they're looking. And I know cases in Minnesota where one child was looking out the window and she saw the car, you know, called her mom in and they reported it. It's... it's empowering people to be part of the solution and it's, it's brilliant and it works. And I actually know one other case in Minnesota where a child was missing and it was an older guy that she was not supposed to be hanging with. 
And everybody texted him. It's like, dude, everybody's looking for you. Let her off. And he did, he let her go. And, and she was safe, you know? So it's like, Using the tools we have, social media is out there where people are and it gets, I've been in stores where an Amber thing went on, all of a sudden everybody's looking at their phone and it just made me smile. That's the way kids come home is when somebody knows the story and they see something. And it's like how it is that we can use technology to our advantage at this point. So, Patty, in our few minutes that we have together, tell us a little bit about your book. The book was, for me, you know, I was charging forward for 27 years. 
I was just driven. And it was a chance to reflect. I kind of like look back at what just happened. I really felt when Jacob was found dead, I went through a horrific feeling of failure. It's like, well, what was that all about? I lived my whole life searching. 27 years is a career, you know? And didn't get the answers we wanted. So I had to look at where we had come and what had happened and what things are better and just reflect on the whole journey. It was very therapeutic for me. A lot of people thought it would be too painful, but... I'd already lived through it, so it was just like making meaning of something that I couldn't make meaning of at the time. 
So that was good. Joy Baker was a big part of helping us find the answers because she was asking questions nobody had asked. And she found those other victims who had told the police, but nothing had been investigated way back in Painesville in 1987. You know, it was a different world then. But When they started coming forward and sharing their story, it opened up the answers. That's how we got this guy to come forward. And so she was very helpful. We started writing before Jacob was found, and it was yet another tool to keep everybody looking. And then when he was found, I just quit writing. I was like, done. I lost about two years. It takes time. You have to give yourself time. 
And everybody else went back to work, but that was my work. And I quit doing a lot of the things that I had done for a while. I still kept up with law enforcement trainings because they need to know how to interact with families because they absolutely are lifesavers to the families and keeping them going. So I did that. But anyway, when he was found, then it became a different book. So we almost had to start over again. And Joy was really good. It's like, tell me about growing up. What was your mom like? So I started writing about things that were fun and happy memories. And then she would just give me little note cards or assignments. And so we built our way back. 
And I'm proud of the book. I think it's a story of hope and resilience and persistence. And everybody, I was just a stay-at-home mom. I think a lot of people need to know that They can do it. You can do this. If you see something and it needs change, you can be that change agent. It doesn't take college degrees or special anything. It takes commitment and heart. Follow your heart. And that I think we need to do for children more and more. So it really helped us. And then when doing the book signings, it was a sense of community that we were talking about earlier. People have... overwhelmingly shown up and the stories that they share are heartwarming. It's like, you helped me process this. 
I had a long conversation with now 11 year old son. Many of the kids are now parents of 11 year olds and, um, they have to deal with their own memory of missing their buddy. And, um, and now parenting their own children. So it's an opportunity to have discussions, build safety into their world, keep open communication. So it's been really heartwarming to get the book out. The U.S. attorney, Andy Lugar, read the book three times, and he had a whole list of pages of how can we do this better. And he invited Joy and I and Jared and the other victim and my husband to present to his staff because how that's how you make things better is revisiting what was and, and what it's not faulting. 
I can't fault law enforcement for what they did in 1987 or 89 with today's standards. We didn't have those tools. Right. Right. They did a phenomenal job and they never quit. Yeah. That's the other message is like, don't give up. Life's hard, but, but, stay in there if it's worth fighting for. And to me, the 11 thing was important because it gave us a chance to celebrate how Jacob lived, not how he was taken, not how he died. But this is the boy that I knew. I can hear him. I can hear his voice. I can hear him saying something wasn't fair. This kid got in trouble and he didn't even pass the note. It's like whatever it was. I think it's important for our listening audience to realize, too, that change doesn't necessarily have to be linked with an event that happens. 
Like in your case, obviously, it did, Patty, and it led to incredible advocacy work. But There could be situations that you just come across and you say, geez, you know, that's not right. And you can go forth with it. Okay, it doesn't have to be something that really hits you really hard. I can reflect on one. A colleague of mine, we were seeing a kid in a car with no seatbelts and no child restraints. And And, you know, they come to a stoplight and they, you know, the parents put on the brakes and, you know, the kid goes flying in the car and we're saying, whoa. Yeah. Wait a minute here. Something, you know, of course, we had kind of our public health hats on. 
And, you know, lo and behold, there's child restraint laws and seatbelt laws. Okay. So it doesn't necessarily have to be an event per se. It's something that you might see or what have you. and it doesn't have to be necessarily traumatic as well, but they all have public health implications. And I'm sure for you, Patty, if you make a difference for one family, then I'm sure you have that sense that your work has been fulfilled for sure. Okay. If it's just one, even, you know, it's just, that's what it's all about. Yeah. One child. One child. Yeah. You're presenting opportunities in a, in a path and a vision that's different than what they saw before. And I, I love that sense of community coming together. 
And I think our world is thirsty for that. Once again, we're all together on this planet and we can build great things when we work together. And I, we experienced it. We, My strength, I didn't do any of the things that you gave me credit for alone. I was nurtured and supported by agencies and individuals and community members. And we need that. We need to rebuild that. That's what this country was formed on. And what I think it's the glue. Yeah. I would say to a lot of people with all the problems that are going on in the world, wouldn't it be great if we just had a chill out day, international chill out day where everybody OK, come on. We're all on this planet together. 
Let's come out. We can do this. Yeah, I think that's the vision I share with you. It's just like health. Yes, it absolutely is. Final thoughts, Patty. What's a takeaway that maybe one or two that you really want our listening audience to to know or to sense going forward? To me, it's it's belief. Believe in the world as you want it to be, and then you can take the steps to getting there. But if you lose hope, you don't have that clarity of vision. And I think that we need to honor children because they are the future, and they can give in. We've got so many tools for them now. The Search Institute has all kinds of things that kids need to be healthy and strong, and we can build those. 
If we pay attention, it's not about the money. It's not about the title or the power. It is really about the nurturing of one another and caring for one another and believing in that and people that you interact with. Well, I will say this. Well, these years. You've carried that torch beautifully, absolutely beautifully, and I, for one, just as a colleague, I want to really, really thank you. You've done incredible work. And it came from sadness, but you made that sadness into something that's good. And I'm sure I speak for a lot of people when I say thanks. Many, many thanks. So... We have, ironically, we have an interesting show coming up next for Health Chatter on unintentional injuries for children that are happening with children with Dr. Tom Kotke. 
He'll be coming with us next. We have great shows for the rest of the year lined up. And so we hope that all of you will continue to listen, check out our website, and keep health chatting away. Thank you, Stan.